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About Mankini

This is my forum to talk about everything important. There's rants, movies, gossip, celebrities, and lots of sex talk.

If you should be offended, or get pissed off at anything I say, I'm sorry in advance.

You can take solace in knowing that I'm probably going to hell since I'm an Atheist.....and because I just fed dead baby seals to the hooker I have chained to my water heater.

Kisses!

Chest bump fail

Ladies, leave the man celebrations to the men.


Chest Bump Fail – Watch more Funny Videos

Mayor of your mom’s house

It seems that “check in” applications are all the rage. Now four-square, gowalla and now facebook allows you to tell everyone where you are and who you’re with. It’s a little creepy and quite narcissistic. But what if you found out that one of your friends just checked into your mom’s house?

and by house, I mean vagina.

This might be what it sounds like….

Please to enjoy Gunpowder Jones.

Ground Zero “Mosque”

I just got a message about Obama supporting the mosque near ground zero. I’m not sure if the intent of the message was to see how I would defend it or how I would argue against it. In fact, I am all in favor of it. For one, it’s not a mosque but an islamic cultural center. There is one near it that has been around for 30 years.

Just to let that last part sink in, there is already a mosque near ground zero. Four blocks away. Been there for 30 years.

Second the proposed “mosque” is not at ground zero but 2 blocks away and will be taking the place of the very sacred Burlington Coat Factory.

Third, we have “freedom of religion” in this country and to not allow this “mosque” to be built would be a gross hypocrisy. I mean, first gays and next Muslims? Who else should we start discriminating against? Blacks again? Women?

Once again, this is simply a case of people with an agenda not telling the whole truth about a topic in order to gain supporters. Seriously, five minutes of research is all it takes to enable one to peer through the thin veil of subjective propaganda.

Old Spice guy answers twitter.

Do yourself a favor and watch a couple of these and then watch all the others on the youtube channel. The Old Spice guy actually answers tons of twitter questions from the shower.

Monocle smile!

Here’s the link to the rest of the videos

http://www.youtube.com/user/OldSpice?blend=2&ob=1#p/c/484F058C3EAF7FA6

Teenage Wastland and the UFC

One of the things that you don’t see unless you’re at the UFC live is their opening montage. It’s an amazing mashup of some of the best UFC moments set to The Who’s Teenage Wasteland (baba o’reilly.)

If you can’t get pumped watching this, especially live, you need to either check your pulse or start knitting. Cause you’re either dead or gay.

Ciara Ride – Get the lube ready.

So when we were eating sushi in the Vegas last week this video was on in the background. The conversation stopped and our hands instinctively searched for the closest thing to lube. I mean, we caught ourselves and avoided a public masturbatory snafu, but it was a close one.

Please to enjoy…

iPhone vs Evo

This video is pretty funny. Guy almost got fired from best buy for making it.

…I’m still getting an iPhone though.

Acid makes you see silly things

So I was just introduced to this magical video. Some people recorded their friend tripping on acid and sitting in a closet. They animated what this guys must’ve seen. I want those drugs.

Lighthouses Rule!

My friend Alex’s Grandma is tough.

I have a Russian friend named Alex. He makes me laugh. I found a video of his grandmother fighting another old Russian lady. It is terrific.

Finally, the Tom Lawlor UFC 113 Entrance

So UFC 113 was like two months ago. I know this. However, I have just not gotten my hands on the walk out video for my friend and yours, Filthy Tom Lawlor.

A little background. We were in Montreal for the fights, so what better entrance music than James Brown’s, “Living in America.” Even those living in America Jr. laughed at it. Oh and the hat design is all che Nuckolls.

Please to enjoy…

p.s. if you look in the back you might just spot a sexy cornerman who’s last name rhymes with chuckles…



Everything happens for a reason?

This may be the greatest story ever. I’d love to hear the Christians explain this one. Devil perhaps controlling the elements? That has to be it. Just like the earth being 5,000 years old right?

MONROE, Ohio – A six-story-tall statue of Jesus Christ with his arms raised along a highway was struck by lightning in a thunderstorm Monday night and burned to the ground, police said.

The “King of Kings” statue, one of southwest Ohio’s most familiar landmarks, had stood since 2004 at the evangelical Solid Rock Churchalong Interstate 75 in Monroe, just north of Cincinnati.

The lightning strike set the statue ablaze around 11:15 p.m., Monroe police dispatchers said.

The sculpture, 62 feet tall and 40 feet wide at the base, showed Jesus from the torso up and was nicknamedTouchdown Jesus because of the way the arms were raised, similar to a referee signaling a touchdown. It was made of plastic foam and fiberglass over a steel frame, which is all that remained early Tuesday.

The fire spread from the statue to an adjacent amphitheater but was confined to the attic area, and no one was injured, police Chief Mark Neu said. The fire department would release a monetary damage estimateTuesday, he said.

Travelers on Interstate 75 often were startled to come upon the huge statue by the roadside, but many said America needs more symbols like it. So many people stopped at the church campus that church officials had to build a walkway to accommodate them.

The 4,000-member, nondenominational church was founded by former horse trader Lawrence Bishop and his wife. Bishop said in 2004 he was trying to help people, not impress them, with the statue. He said his wife proposed the Jesus figure as a beacon of hope and salvation, and they spent about $250,000 to finance it.

Thanks to Big Will for the heads up on this one. This is hilarious.

Buy a lottery ticket buddy; you are the luckiest human being ever.

Just watch. If you look close you can see the guys balls retracting up into his body.

Insane.

Comedy Central…You pussies.

I was sooo excited the other day when I found out that Netflix OnDemand added the first 12 seasons of Southpark to their library of instant viewing. I did a little dance. It was my happy dance that involved some hip gyrating and shimmy shaking. Some of you may have seen it before.

Anyways, days later I was still happy until I got a text message from a friend.

That text message read: “Just got all the south parks on my ps3. The one damn episode I went to watch you need a dvd for… Super Best Friends… Bush league dude!!”

You see the Super Best Friends episode features Jesus, Moses, Buddah, Krishna, Sea Man, Joseph Smith and Muhammed( yes, that muhammed) as a team of Super Best Friends that work together to fight off the magic of David Blaine. Twahhhhhh..

Those flaming pussies at Comedy Central not only censored the recent episode where Muhammed was in a god damn bear costume, but they did not add the episode where THEY ALREADY SHOWED HIM!

Let’s be clear. This episode was from like 8 years ago. This episode clearly showed muhammed in cartoon form. No one died or was bombed. Nothing happened.

But now American tv can’t show Muhammed because of the riot that occurred in Denmark a few years back. A guy made a comic strip featuring an image of Muhammed. A few people died. It was bad and shows the ignorance of religion and the problems fanaticism can cause.

Some of you may be saying or thinking that if it offends them then we shouldn’t do it. We shouldn’t offend anyones race or religion. We should understand and empathize with their beliefs. Fuck that. Your beliefs are just that, your beliefs. They are not facts. Should we restrict the rights of women to get abortions because some lunatic bombs an abortion clinic? Should I not wear leather because an asshole from PITA throws paint on me? Should I have to eat kosher because you have to? No. But for some reason we should listen to the rules and customs of the muslims because they are known to carry out their threats? Bullshit. That’s what terrorism is. It’s getting someone to submit to their demands, beliefs, and rules at the threat of violence.

At best the insane beliefs of those around you should be tolerated. You don’t have to accept them. You goddamn well shouldn’t let them control one ounce of your life. We often mention the cliché of “not letting the terrorists win.” Well think about that the next time you have to take your shoes off at the airport or cant bring your snow globe on the plane. Think about that the next time you get that little twinge of fear and unease when you see a middle eastern person. Think about that the next time you hear of a fucking cartoon being censored.

Not let them win? Hell we’ve changed our lives in several ways because of them. They’re winning and our pusification is still only in the chrysalis phase.

Jesus tap dancing Christ. –mr garrison

Cupcakes. Cannon. Super Slow Mo.

This is pretty damn awesome. It’s cupcakes being shot out of a cannon at peoples faces…In super slow motion. I really don’t need to elaborate.

Learn about Salamanders

Ever wonder about the magestic salamander? All the time right? Well me too! Watch this video to learn how an axolotl becomes a salamander.

Best Arnold Lines! It’s not a tumor!!!

Who isn’t a fan of the amazing thespian Arnold “Hamlet” Schwarzenegger? I know right? Everyone loves him! Well some amazing super fan put together a compilation of his most awesome 160 lines ever.

Check it out and try not to do an impression of him tonight.

Awesomeness at 1000 frames per second

What do you get when you mix baseball bats, watermelons, flame throwers, and water balloons shot in super slow motion? Well you get a little bit of awesome. That’s what.

The only thing that could make this cooler is if it was topless women’s boobies bouncing at 1000 frames per second.

It’s a small world

Once upon a time I had an idea for a bar/restaurant. It was to be my greatest achievement. It was a themed establishment the likes of which the world had never seen.

Midgets. Midgets everywhere.

LP’s would be the hosts, the hostesses, the servers, bartenders, cooks, and anything else you could possibly imagine. All the tables would be “high tops,” the beers would be served in large, german beer steins, and at all times there would be midge riding on one of those “to scale” train sets that circled my fine establishment.

However my dream was never realized. My idea was scoffed at. No one believed in me. Little did I know that on the other side of the globe, in a communist country, my Asian clone existed. A man with the same misunderstood genius as I….

—From the New York Times— KUNMING, China — Chen Mingjing’s entrepreneurial instincts vaulted him from a peasant upbringing to undreamed-of wealth, acquired in ventures ranging from making electric meters to investing in real estate. But when he was 44, the allure of making money for money’s sake began to wane. He wanted to run a business that accomplished some good.

And so last September, Mr. Chen did what any socially aware entrepreneur might do: He opened a theme park of dwarfs, charging tourists about $9 a head to watch dozens of dwarfs in pink tutus perform a slapstick version of “Swan Lake” along with other skits.

Mr. Chen has big plans for his Kingdom of the Little People. Imagine a $115 million universe in miniature, set amid 13,000 acres of rolling hills and peaceful lakes in southernChina’s Yunnan Province, with tiny dogs, tiny fruit trees, a 230-foot-high performance hall that looks like the stump of a prehistoric tree and standard-size guest cabins.

Also, a black BMW modified to resemble a flying saucer, from which dwarfs will spill forth to begin their performances.

“It will be like a fairy tale,” Mr. Chen said. “Everything here I have designed myself.”

The site is far from complete. So far, it mainly consists of the tree, 33 Dr. Seuss-style cottages with crooked chimneys where kingdom residents pretend to live and specially equipped dormitories where they actually reside. But it is already drawing its share of detractors.

Critics say displaying dwarfs is at best misguided and at worst immoral, a throwback to times when freak shows pandered to people’s morbid curiosity.

“Are they just going there to look at curious objects?” asked Yu Haibo, who leads a volunteer organization for the disabled in Jilin Province in the northeast.

“I think it is horrible,” said Gary Arnold, the spokesman for Little People of America Inc., a dwarfism support group based in California. “What is the difference between it and a zoo?” Even the term “dwarf” is offensive to some; his organization prefers “person of short stature.”

Jean Van Wetter, the China director for Handicap International, a London-based nonprofit organization that helps the disabled, argues that integration diminishes prejudice; isolation reinforces it. “This is the kind of thing you see in China,” he said.

But there is another view, and Mr. Chen and some of his short-statured workers present it forcefully. One hundred permanently employed dwarfs, they contend, is better than 100 dwarfs scrounging for odd jobs. They insist that the audiences who see the dwarfs sing, dance and perform comic routines leave impressed by their skills and courage.

Many performers said they enjoyed being part of a community where everyone shares the same challenges, like the height of a sink. “Before, when we were at home, we didn’t know anyone our size. When we hang out together with normal-size people, we can not really do the same things,” said Wu Zhihong, 20. “So I really felt lonely sometimes.”

Mr. Chen asserts he has won support from no less than the United Nations World Peace Foundation. He displays a certificate designating his company, Yunnan Jiucai Yundie Biotech Ltd., as the “Charity Base Camp” for Kunming, the nearest city.

Supporters and critics agree on one point: the fact that the park is awash in job applications shows the disturbing dearth of opportunities for the disabled in China. Cao Yu, Mr. Chen’s assistant, says she receives three or four job inquiries a week.

“Under the current social situation in China, they really will not be able to find a better employment situation,” she said.

The notion that people with disabilities should be mainstreamed into education and ordinary jobs is still new in China, which is home to an estimated 83 million people with disabilities. The disabled seem strangely absent from the streets of Beijing or Shanghai.

Better than two in five disabled adults in China are illiterate, according to a 2006 survey by the China Disabled Persons’ Federation, a government agency. The average salary of a disabled worker is less than half that of a non-disabled worker. Only one-third of disabled people who need rehabilitation services have access to them, the survey found.

Professionals trained to aid the disabled are desperately scarce: Europe has 185 times as many physiotherapists per person as China, according to a 2008 study by Renmin University in Beijing.

Still, some indicators are improving. The number of disabled people receiving low-income benefits jumped to more than seven million in 2008 from fewer than four million in 2005.

Nearly three in four children with disabilities attended school in 2008, compared with about three in five just two years earlier. The number of disabled students in universities and technical colleges in 2008 increased by 50 percent over 2006. Still, they amounted to a mere handful, just one out of every 5,000 students.

“There is a clear instruction from the government to do more,” said Mr. Van Wetter of Handicap International. “The problem is implementation.”

Mr. Chen said his employees had gained self-respect and self-sufficiency. “It doesn’t really matter to me what other people say,” he said. “The question is whether meeting me has changed their lives.”

Ms. Wu said it had. Nicknamed Itty Bitty, she is just 3 feet, 9 inches tall. Before Mr. Chen hired her, she developed photos and worked as a telephone operator, jobs she said deliberately kept her out of public view.

Now, she said, she sometimes see spectators tear up during the performances. If they laugh, she said, it is because the routine is funny, not out of ridicule.

One theme of the show is the need to overcome hardships — a lesson Mr. Chen says he believes is too often forgotten as Chinese families grow richer. And there is the Swan Lake parody, a crowd pleaser in which male dwarfs dress up in pink tights and tutus and wiggle their derrières.

“The first time I wore that, I felt really awkward,” said Chen Ruan, 20, who used to collect refuse with his parents. “But then I got up on stage and people liked it. People were applauding and I felt proud.”

The park, 40 minutes by car from Kunming, is not yet profitable. One recent chilly afternoon, only a few dozen spectators showed up. Performers hope for bigger crowds.

“At first I thought it was surreal,” Zhang Furong, 38, a lead actor. “But the strongest emotion I felt was here, we are among equals.”

Xiyun Yang and Li Bibo contributed research.

This is why you don’t ignore homeless people

Next time the homeless guy wants to wash your windows, just tip the guy a buck.

Epic Beard Man!

I don’t know where I have been to not see this awesomeness until today. Don’t worry I slapped the back of my own hand.

But without further adieu…..